so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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