Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
