so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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