I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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