I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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