what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
