Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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