That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
