I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
