i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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