plz talk dirty to me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
