I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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