super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
