i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
