Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize