No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
