Barsexuality is the new black.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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