where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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