I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
