My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
