I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
