the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
