she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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