dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
