i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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