You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
