So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
