3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
