her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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