yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize