I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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