we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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