whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
