I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
