Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
