I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
