Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
