that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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