I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Less talking, more tequila
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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