Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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