I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
