God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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