4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
