What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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