i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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