somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
