After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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