I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
