Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
