Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
