Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
