Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
