We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
