Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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