I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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