I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
