People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
