I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
