So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
