Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
