1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
