before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
