Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
