Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
