A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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