can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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