They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
