Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I need to stop coming to work sober
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
