Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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