Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
