So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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