Got a toothbrush?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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