I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
