he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
