Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
