I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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