i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize