First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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